You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
