they need to just BURY HIM!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
