"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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