I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
