Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
