Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
