Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
