shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Farmville is her only friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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