I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
