Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
