I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
