when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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