She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
