my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
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I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Floor bacon is actually really good
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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