Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
