Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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