sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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