I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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