you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
