we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
