I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
