a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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