She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Semen is not good for contacts.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
