cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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