meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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