cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Mom said you looked used
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
