i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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