Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
