The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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