Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
