somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
