oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
there is puke in my bra ... again
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