I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you win again, gameday.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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