trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
