she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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