Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
