I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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