Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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