I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
