I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
