he puts the penis in happiness.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
