Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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