I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.