Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.