I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself