We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.