somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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