She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
