like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
