I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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