Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
