It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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