it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
