wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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