Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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