i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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