Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
