She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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