the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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