I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hippo gnu deer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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