ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
