She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
