stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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