last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
