he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
