this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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