I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
