i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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