why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
