I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
