currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
