I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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