we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.