ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can