her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.