Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"