Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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