Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my shit smells like andre
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
