It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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