Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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