Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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