Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need a beard to bite.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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