Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
