Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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