I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
