he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
