Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
