batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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