Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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