Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize