Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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